I graduated 1 month ago and I do not know what I am doing. I have this “plan” to travel but with no real plan. I felt so confident while living in my apartment before graduation about my plans to travel and now that I am back at home, I feel stuck and misguided. I felt this enormous to get a “big girl” job and join the LinkedIn bullshit workforce. I don’t want this life. I would sell myself short and be a copout if I did. I have so much potential for other things and I am the ripe age of 23 and ready to figure these things out. I’ve been doing what I “should” be by updating my resume, applying for jobs, going on interviews, and I am miserable. I am so lonely living at home. I feel myself regressing. I know that God only gives their toughest battles to their strongest soldiers, but damn I want out. It’s been rough living at home, without a job, without school, without a purpose. I feel like I do not have any meaning and there is this deep urge to bring meaning to my life. I want to travel abroad. I have never left North America and I am so jealous of all those people out exploring and living their dreams. I guess my fears are being lonely…getting kidnapped…getting raped….and getting robbed. I can take being lonely and getting robbed. However, the other two I don’t know about. I mean I’ve already been raped and I am still here thriving so, they can’t take that away from me. I guess getting kidnapped or murdered, wouldn’t be ideal, but what’s the likelihood that actually happens if im being smart. I think I need to trust myself and just do it. I will never feel ready and I also would regret bringing someone. I need to do this by myself and I need to prove to myself I can. I am so smart and capable. I think the fear holding me back is … im realizing right now the fears I have are just excuses. I can navigate places I have never been, I can navigate public transpiration and flights, I can talk to people, I can rely on my gut intuition, I can be aware of my surroundings, I can use google translate, I can do this! The only thing holding me back is me ! I feel like im in a limbo stage with multiple directions my life could go. I think I want to go global !!! I would regret it forever if I didn’t prove to myself that I can travel the world by myself. I am so friendly and kind and I think it would be a really good way to make friends, meet new people, learn new cultures and languages, experience new things, and make ever lasting memories. I’ve always hated the Orange County bubble and I refuse to stay in this bitch forever. I will be an international woman and I refuse to let anyone, including myself, hold me back. I need to plan. I need to purchase and pack. I need to earn some money. I need to handle my ticket in Utah. It would be irresponsible to base this decision before I attend court. I really hope everything works out the way it’s meant to and I learn a lot from these experiences and my future. Today I am no longer going to sit still and be moody. I want to workout again and chase my passions. I want to work at another ski resort this winter. I want to chase powder. I want to work in a national forest. I want to travel the world. I want to give back. I am feeling very inspired by the YesTheory on Youtube. I wish I was friends with these guys and they would just invite me to Europe lol. I think life is about having fun, loving others, giving back, and doing what makes you happy. I refuse to let others expectations of me get in the way of what I really want to do. I think I should start a YouTube too. Ive been saying I want to start a YouTube channel since I was 12 years old. I always think it’s too late or too embarrassing but fuck that! I just need to start. It’s for me. I want to share with the world my experiences and my hobbies and my dreams. I dream of visiting every country and meeting all types of people, and experiencing all kinds of new experiences. I dream of touching the people I meet and I hope they touch me as well. I dream of personal growth and transformation. I dream of community and friendship. I dream of opportunities. I dream of nature and exploring the vast majority of it. I love this Earth and all the people on it. I want to see it for myself. I have lived my entire life in a bubble judging from the outside. I will not let fear stop me. I want to see how other people live, what other people eat, and how other people experience life! This rant feels amazing and I feel so inspired. I have neglected my spirituality since I moved home and it feels so nice to dive back into it! Thank you! I love you! and you will hear from me soon with adventure updates! This page will no longer be posted on just when I am sad but when I am happy, when I am inspired, when I am excited!
